9 months and learning

1 Samuel 8:19-20


"Nevertheless the people refused to obey the voice of Samuel; and they said, Nay; but we will have a king over us; that we also may be like all the nations...............

In the context of this chapter the children of Israel were demanding for a king and even after God explained to them that the King would come with his cons, they refused to listen. At times our desire to be like everyone else causes us to cast away all reason despite the reality of consenting to a worse state being so evident. The king was going to take their possession, their daughters as cooks, their sons as servants, portions of their land for his servants and so much more but they did not care.

At times our desire to be so much like other people causes us to reject the beauty that God has already laid before us. I have been caught up in this the past few weeks, i have been so bent on wanting to look like others and lose all that God has placed in for me. See God says in His word; 

I am his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that i should walk in them and that He saw me before I was born and recorded every day of my life and laid out every moment before a single day had passed.

So i have been on a journey to discover what God has in store and have been yielding my heart to the things that God has planned and not to my plan, i have begun to appreciate the truth that only God can complete me. In my previous approach i had so much of God make him, but i am learning to say God make me and Lord let your will be done.

I love Jeremiah 29:11 that talks about God having good plans for us to give us a future and an expected end, and that He works all things together for good in Paul’s letter to the Romans. Psalms 78:18 and 19 speaks of the children of God tempting God in their hearts to see if God could truly furnish a table in the wilderness. The constant desire for others to please you and fit to your perfect picture draws a lot from those people and brings undue pressure that leads to shallow relationships.

God accepted us with all our vomit, our messes and disgust and keeps proving that his love for us is constant by picking us up each time we fall and loving us even when we do not seem to love him back. He considered all things and loved us with an everlasting love

Unfortunately the love of our spouses and our families is not everlasting, it is so conditional, and it wears out, it gets tired and offended, it is a taking love always demanding communication, character, respect, care and association among other things. God’s love on the other hand is poured out on us whether we talk to him, whether we live as he has desired or even whether we carry our cross and follow him, it is constant! He always sees our need for him and our weaknesses and His desire is to make us feel so much loved that we keep running back to Him because He knows that He alone has the power to fix us.

I have proven this over time; I have never met a relationship in which no demand is made of the other person. This has led me to see that the more I demand of the other person, the more he cannot fulfill those demands and the angrier I get and think that the person is insensitive. It is because we all come to one another so hungry hoping that this person will fill the hunger and emptiness inside of us.

In seeking God I have realized that I do not know how to forgive, how to accept and how to love. But that is why he says come to me all you who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest, take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am lowly and humble and you will find rest for your souls.

It is hard to see people through the eyes of God because that is not the norm of the world, you may be accused of being too soft, or being trampled underfoot or being desperate and afraid. Relationship was not the end; it was a means to the end. We as couples are supposed to love God the more as we let God work our relationships for us. As we see God’s power transforming our environments and homes, it is meant to draw us closer to him.

By letting God, we trust that God will complete us and make us open to learn our families and spouses. I am beginning to appreciate the Gift of forgiveness and the power of understanding that no human being in this world; however good can complete me. Only God can because that hole and void I feel  is God shaped and not man shaped and He alone can feel that void and make His love complete that I may be able to pour out that same love in the lives of others.

So I am learning a new language as I wait for all things to be made beautiful,

Lord, complete me

Lord, complete me

I am already feeling lighter in my heart, as I look to Him who is faithful. Those hurtful things are not hurtful anymore because I take them to God and cry out that he may deal with my imperfections, those differences are not so heavy any more as I cry for the grace that Jesus had on the night he was to be crucified, and those expectations are not so much as I learn to let go and lean on Jesus. I am sure of his word in psalm 71:20-21 “Thou, which hast showed me great and sore troubles, shalt quicken me again, and shalt bring me up again from the depths of the earth.  Thou shalt increase my greatness, and comfort me on every side.”

My soul waits on the lord, more than the watchmen wait for the morning, yes more than the watchmen wait for the morning. He will comfort me on every side. He will make it beautiful in His time!