Today this scripture came alive to me. many of us take things for granted and beat ourselves and those around us due to lack of meeting certain credentials or criteria. Last night was a very stressful night for me. I was totally hungry and decided to get something to eat. I went out and finally got something really delicious to eat. After eating i could not keep the food down, i was so nauseous and made several trips to the loo. I decided to try and sleep but my abdominal area was in so much pain probably due to the force of throwing up, eventually i fell asleep.
Just before i fell asleep last night i sent Bae a message letting him know that i was not feeling all that well. I woke up to missed calls from him and my immediate response was to call back. Unfortunately i caught him at a time of some spiritual assignment we are doing together and he dismissed me with an intention to call back later i guess although not mentioned.
I cannot explain but a certain surge of anger came upon me and i immediately switched of my phone and coiled up into a ball and slept. All the while as i was waiting for sleep to take charge i was so annoyed. Then i remembered that God had been teaching me about our different languages due to our different life exposures and all. It eased me up a bit but i couldn't help but think that He held his spiritual growth more valuable than my life. I had actually called to gain some comfort from his talking to me. Anyway sleep did catch up with me helping me achieve some sense of relief.
So when i woke up today morning for the second time to get ready for work i realized that i still had that lump in my throat/ uncomfortable feeling. I decided to ignore it and get ready for work , which i did, i prepared my breakfast and had it. Thirty minutes had not passed when i felt so nauseous and rushed to the loo. I still could not keep anything down. Immediately from the loo, Bae called and as much as i wanted to let him know that i felt as though i had been hit by a bus i quickly answered his questions and said i was fine but was i really fine? i was not but i had just felt let down and by virtue of that, dismissed any hope of help coming from him at that moment concerning the particular situation.
So i left for work hungry as ever but with a resolve to not take anything therefore stay okay for the rest of the day. As i was going about my business in the office i was reminded that it is Chhrist who lives in me and not me, the old me has been crucified with Christ, but as is the tendency when we get on a diet to lose some weight, there are those days when we feel we cannot go on without that fried chicken or that pizza and need the help of our fitness trainer or our spouse to move on and keep on track. We have started a new, and we let out all those things that annoyed us and made us feel unwanted to each other, so we vowed to start a new and count on JESUS to see us through.
i have realized that our very nature is destructive and can lead us to hurt and disappointment. My thoughts towards him were not at all godly, in fact they were very selfish Yet i was encouraged that it is no longer i who live but Christ who lives inside of me, and He is the victory that overcame the world. He also says that He is able to keep that which we have committed to him until that day. So i felt the holy spirit restoring to me the peace, love and joy of having Bae in my life. We may not be one but he is making us one and i am happy to learn such as i move on in this life until He makes us beautiful in His time.
I cannot be that who i want to be for my Bae, but as i yield my life to the work of the spirit and let go so that Christ may live in me, he will quench the fires of our differences and give us grace upon grace as we grow in the fullness of the stature of our lord as promised in Acts.