Looking for someone to feel this emptiness, for someone to make me whole, guess i expect you to feel this space, yet many are the days it feels emptier with you around, you complement me is what it is and not complete me is what i've found. So i run to he who can make me complete. Finding a man who can chase God with me is an ultimate plus, yet how can we chase God when i cannot be honest where i am with this God, for the fear that i might loose this man. Fear has become a reality in this relationship for me, so i pray for love that casts out all fear, so that i may have freedom to share my life with this Gift i have.
Take care of the issues and not be ashamed. When perfection is revealed and imperfection breaks through the pearl perfect cover. I am afraid. Each time with you i see imperfection in me....like the Isiah effect , i see how weak, how rude, how emotionless, how far from perfect i am. This struggle is real. You have made me realise that i am not and that makes me afraid because at this point all worlds are falling. Jesus take the wheel, you are my only help. You can provide the grace, with which i can love, i can pray, even when i do not feel worthy. Because since i met him i have self esteem issues around him, maybe because he has to know all of me and i have to know all of him and i am not used to that i give a piece of me and take on whole of people and i move on.....just fine.
This journey is stripping me of the old and that is very hurtful...but i pray for grace to behold the new and not weep for the old thats gone because in so doing i will have misery all the while being surrounded by beauty. So help me God i pray to know that this too will work together for my good. And the two completes me and him will make a whole!
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