Tuesday, 19 April 2016

Love: More than a feeling

Colossians 3:14
And above all things put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony.”

Yesterday I was talking about the love tank and how mine had become empty. In my first post I said that the love for my now “hubby to be” was something I had to pray about day and night for its perfection. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 is a scripture that has been used by many ministers to describe love and what love should feel like between two people. I have been studying the “in love” phenomenon in many books and articles and one caught my attention

                “At its peak, the “in love” experience is euphoric. We are emotionally obsessed with each other. We go to sleep thinking of one another. When we rise that person is the first thought on our minds. We long to be together. Spending time together is like playing in the anteroom of heaven. When we hold hands, it seems as if our blood flows together. We could kiss forever if we didn’t have to go to school or work. Embracing stimulates dreams of marriage and ecstasy. The person who is “in love” has the illusion that his beloved is perfect.”

Psychologists have attributed the following neurotransmitters in our brain as responsible for the euphoria of the “In Love” experience;

1 Testosterone and Oestrogen - These hormones as Helen Fisher says "get you out looking for anything” (The chase hormone)

2 Dopamine – Causes heightened senses, influential to moods and emotions and is responsible for the reward trigger cycle.

3 Norepinephrine (adrenalin) -Starts us sweating and gets the heart racing.

4 Serotonin - One of love's most important chemicals and one that may actually send us temporarily insane. It diverts the mind creating a path where all you can think about is the other person

5 Oxytocin - The bonding agent, the cuddle chemical. This bonding agent makes us want to connect, physically, with another person. And once connected, stay connected. It i can be easily fabricated, just with close contact to another human being. Just twenty seconds of hug contact, even with a stranger (with a tolerable level of body odor), can dramatically boost levels of oxytocin. It is very much the bonding glue for humans.

6 Vasopressin - The protection drug, one that kicks in to support feelings of possession and desire to thwart anyone else taking possession. This is now the knight in shining armor threatening to skewer any rival that comes near.

All the articles I read agreed on one thing that the same way this hormones were responsible for the excitement of love they could also be responsible for the opposite upon their decrease.
I am not against the “in love” experience it is good and a lovely thing to happen but then the reality kicks in when this person excites you no more because seeing them no longer causes your heart to race and their touch becomes a normal feeling then couples complain and say that I just do not love Her /Him anymore.

In my search for answers I have realized that love is not just a feeling. (This particular day, I no longer feel attracted to him. It is as though I woke up in a trap and I am wondering how I got here. Thoughts of him trigger depression and not excitement; making me avoid him and stay away with a hope of relief.) 

Love is a conscious decision and the more reason it has to be stirred up. We have to develop the habit of teaching our minds to obey. True love is not circumstantial, it is not based on whether he called, or bought a gift or remembered my birthday. Today I have found my love imperfect and this has caused great fear in my heart. It has reflected that I am imperfect, still in need of help, of God’s touch.  The bible says a lot about love for instance;
                Perfect love casts out all fear
                Love never fails
                No greater love than this that a man should lay down his love for another
                For god so loved the world that He gave His only son

Love is a sacrifice; it is a garment to be put on daily that is why scripture says “put on love”. The feelings may come and go but love that is birthed of God never fails.  As Christians it is the mark that we are of God and by this will they know that we are His disciples, if we love one another. The world is crying out as divorce rates go on the rise and many hearts are broken when ladies or men break engagements to one another, leaving vengeful or bitter men and women who in turn pass the same to their children. We have Christ and he is the victory that has overcome the world. I pray that we will be the difference, the hope that marriage works, but we can only do this when we trust God to guide us and provide us with all things pertaining to marriage life for He has given us all things pertaining to life and Godliness.

Love that is true will hold through the storm, it is that which will cause us to pray and love when the feeling is gone; it is the glue that will keep me and him together. So today whereas the easiest thing would be to say it’s not going to work, quit and start all over again. I choose to get back on my knees and pray for God to restore the love I had that held me through the first 8 months of our relationship. He alone has the power to restore that which is lost and when it all is said and done the whole world (Friends, colleagues and family) will be able to know that it was truly a match made in heaven by the outward testimony of our love.

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