Colossians 3:14
“And above all things put on love, which binds everything
together in perfect harmony.”
Yesterday I was talking about the love tank and how mine had
become empty. In my first post I said that the love for my now “hubby to be”
was something I had to pray about day and night for its perfection. 1 Corinthians
13:4-8 is a scripture that has been used by many ministers to describe love and
what love should feel like between two people. I have been studying the “in
love” phenomenon in many books and articles and one caught my attention
“At its
peak, the “in love” experience is euphoric. We are emotionally obsessed with
each other. We go to sleep thinking of one another. When we rise that person is
the first thought on our minds. We long to be together. Spending time together
is like playing in the anteroom of heaven. When we hold hands, it seems as if
our blood flows together. We could kiss forever if we didn’t have to go to
school or work. Embracing stimulates dreams of marriage and ecstasy. The person
who is “in love” has the illusion that his beloved is perfect.”
Psychologists have attributed the following neurotransmitters in our brain
as responsible for the euphoria of the “In Love” experience;
1 Testosterone and Oestrogen - These hormones as Helen Fisher
says "get you out looking for anything” (The chase hormone)
2 Dopamine – Causes heightened senses, influential to moods
and emotions and is responsible for the reward trigger cycle.
3 Norepinephrine (adrenalin) -Starts us sweating and gets the
heart racing.
4 Serotonin - One of love's most important chemicals and one
that may actually send us temporarily insane. It diverts the mind creating a
path where all you can think about is the other person
5 Oxytocin - The bonding agent, the cuddle
chemical. This bonding agent makes us want to connect, physically, with another
person. And once connected, stay connected. It i can be easily fabricated, just
with close contact to another human being. Just twenty seconds of hug contact,
even with a stranger (with a tolerable level of body odor), can dramatically
boost levels of oxytocin. It is very much the bonding glue for humans.
6 Vasopressin - The protection drug, one that kicks in to
support feelings of possession and desire to thwart anyone else taking
possession. This is now the knight in shining armor threatening to skewer any
rival that comes near.
All the articles I read agreed on one thing that the same
way this hormones were responsible for the excitement of love they could also
be responsible for the opposite upon their decrease.
I am not against the “in love” experience it is good and a
lovely thing to happen but then the reality kicks in when this person excites
you no more because seeing them no longer causes your heart to race and their
touch becomes a normal feeling then couples complain and say that I just do not
love Her /Him anymore.
In my search for answers I have realized that love is not
just a feeling. (This particular day, I no longer feel attracted to him. It is
as though I woke up in a trap and I am wondering how I got here. Thoughts of
him trigger depression and not excitement; making me avoid him and stay away
with a hope of relief.)
Love is a conscious decision and the more reason it has
to be stirred up. We have to develop the habit of teaching our minds to obey.
True love is not circumstantial, it is not based on whether he called, or
bought a gift or remembered my birthday. Today I have found my love imperfect
and this has caused great fear in my heart. It has reflected that I am imperfect, still in
need of help, of God’s touch. The bible
says a lot about love for instance;
Perfect
love casts out all fear
Love
never fails
No
greater love than this that a man should lay down his love for another
For god
so loved the world that He gave His only son
Love is a sacrifice; it is a garment to be put on daily that
is why scripture says “put on love”. The feelings may come and go but love that
is birthed of God never fails. As Christians
it is the mark that we are of God and by this will they know that we are His
disciples, if we love one another. The world is crying out as divorce rates go on the rise and
many hearts are broken when ladies or men break engagements to one another,
leaving vengeful or bitter men and women who in turn pass the same to their
children. We have Christ and he is the victory that has overcome the world. I
pray that we will be the difference, the hope that marriage works, but we can
only do this when we trust God to guide us and provide us with all things
pertaining to marriage life for He has given us all things pertaining to life
and Godliness.
Love that is true will hold through the storm, it is that
which will cause us to pray and love when the feeling is gone; it is the glue
that will keep me and him together. So today whereas the easiest thing would be
to say it’s not going to work, quit and start all over again. I choose to get back on my knees and pray for God
to restore the love I had that held me through the first 8 months of our relationship.
He alone has the power to restore that which is lost and when it all is said
and done the whole world (Friends, colleagues and family) will be able to know
that it was truly a match made in heaven by the outward testimony of our love.
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